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求托福高分作文(或范文)(要有点评)
下面给出按各评分标准的范文,仅供参考。
题目:Some intensive English programs in the United States offer a foreign student the option of living with an American family while he or she is studying abroad. Many students feel that such a home-stay program is a valuable part of their total learning experience. However, others may feel that such a plan offers little value. In a short essay, discuss one or two advantages of living with an American family and then state one or two disadvantages. Tell whether you are in favor of or opposed to the idea of home-stay. Give examples to support your opinion.
范文一(6分)
A foreign student who plans to come to the United States must have some definite goals in mind. For the student who wants to improve his English quickly and learn about American customs firsthand, there is often an opportunity to live with an American family. There may be one or two disadvantages to this living arrangement; however, I believe that there are far more advantages.First of all, some minor disadvantages to living with an American family include both a lack of privacy and little opportunity to have independence (be independent). For instance, the foreign student may find that the family expects him to join them in group activities such as watching television and going on picnics. At times, however, he might enjoy staying in his room to read or to write letters to his family and friends. Another drawback to living in an American home involves the possibility that the family may treat the student like a child. For example, the parents may want to decide who his friends will be and where he will go during his leisure time away from home.Even though there may be one or two disadvantages to living with an American family, the advantages far outweigh them. By taking part in a home-stay program, the student has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs. He will find out how to behave in different social situations such as parties and serimonies (ceremonies) and how to dress (dress on) these occasions. Also, he will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life, such as the way schools are run in the United States. With a family lose by, he can ask questions about attendance rules and school costs. The family will make certain that he becomes acquainted with this new way of life, and soon he will feel at home.Another advantage to lining with an American family is that the student is in an ideal environment to improve his English. For example, each time he has a conversation with someone in the family, this native speaker can help him with his pronounciation (pronunciation) and grammer (grammar). Maybe the younger children in the family can help the student with his homework, too. But the most important thing is that he will be surround (surrounded) by English most of the time during his stay in the United States.Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages to living with an American family, I feel that the advantages are more obvious. In a home-stay program, the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible. In addition, he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve. In my opinion, these are the two most important goals for him to consider, and living with an American family is the best way to achieve them.
范文二(5分)
Every year, many foreign students go to America to study English. Some of this (them) will participate in a home-stay program and live with an American family. However, others will take (make) a different decision. They will live with friends from their own country. I believe that if a foreign student looks at both possibilities, he will decide to live with an american (American) family. Even though there are one or two drawbacks to the home-stay way (option), there are far more benefits.In taking (making) his decision about how to live in the United States, the foreign student is smart (wise) to consider one or two disadvantages to living with an American family. First of all, he must realize that he is going to feel homesick at first. Living in an American home with people of other (another) language and culture may cause this feeling to increase. Also, the american family could become very protective of him. They may ask him where he is going when he leaves home and when he will return. Despite these two disadvantages, there is a stronger idea (argument) in favor of living with Americans.By living in american (an American) home, the student has (has an) opportunity to become familiar with American customs and culture. For instance, he will learn how important the (the importance of ) family closeness is (closeness). He can see how the children communicate with their parents and how the parents educate their children. He will not feel like a stranger because the American family will help him adjusting (adjust) to a new life.In an American home, he can learn English fast. Family members can help him with his homeworks (homework). When he speaks English, they can point (point out )his errors. In this way, he can learn English naturally.Although there are some disadvantage (disadvantages) to living with an American family, there are heavier (greater) benefits. If the foreign student at first realizes the values of learning about a new culture and improving his English at the same time, he will definitely choose to experience a home-stay in the United States. With an American family, he will find studying there a very big (rewarding) experience.
范文三(4分)
After a foreign student has decided to come to the United States to study English, he must think about where (where he) is going to live and with whom. I believe that he should live with (an) American family if he can becuase (because) they can give him the support (that) he needs. They can help him improve his English, too.To begin with, the foreigner who inhabits (lives) with an American family can rely on them for suprot (support) as he adjusts to a complete (completely) new way of life. Suppose that (This is especially helpful if) he becomes homesick.Another advantage to living with an American family is (that) the student can improve his English quick (quickly). He will met (meet) friends who came (come) to visit. he (He ) will force (be forced) to use English whether he wants to or not.As far as disadvantages are concerned, I see only one (one:) he may be treated like a baby. The family (family will) want to protect him from danger (dangerous) situations.I will conclude by saying that even is the student has to put up (with) being treated like a child sometimes, he is better off the live (living) with an American family which they (who) can help home. He will find kindness and support when he is new in the country. Also, he will speak English most of the time.
范文四(3分)
A foreing (foreign) student studying in America is wise to live with an American family because when a foreing (foreign) student came (comes) to the United States he must make many important adjustment (adjustments). A foreing (foreign) student must change to survive in his new imvironment (environment). A foreing (foreign) student also learns how to take on responsibilities concerning his new family, he (; he) adopts (adapts) to their American life style (lifestyle) as they adopt (adapt) to his. It is a learning experience on both parts.You have a (A student has an) advantage when living (he lives) with an American family. Because (because) they would (he will) learn the american (American) ways and customs better with an american (American) family than if they would live (he lived) with there (his) own homeboys (countrymen).The american (American) family becomes a second family to the foreing (foreign) student. At times a foreing (foreign) student may get homesick; but having (having) a trustworthy second family can give him the security and acceptance he (that he) needs. He is probably use (used) to having a family around him, so he will feel safe if he lives with an American family. Then he must consider that he will be in a strange place. Everything will be new to you (him).His American family can help him learn his way around. So (Therefore) foreing (a foreign student) is smart to live with an American family.
范文五(2分)
My opinion about this subject is that it depends in (on) your level of comprehension regard (regarding) conversational english (English). In other words; (words,) if you understand a considerable amount of english (English) language, your best bet would be to chose (choose) living with an American family. But, if your comprehension level is so low, in which (that) a basic communication is not possible, then (it) would be wise to (for) you to choose living with people of your same country and (or) language.
对不起哦!
实在没有找到有点评的……
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托福IBT高分作文:土地该怎么利用
Land In your country: needs to be left in its natural condition or needs to be developed?
In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
托福IBT高分作文分析:
注意,根据题目要求,一定要结合我们国家的情况去说。中国人口密度很高,所以,我们选择后者应该更容易写一些。
中国解决住房的需求(要地,也要资本)
发展工业能够解决资本问题
发展工业,也能解决失业问题,进一步繁荣经济
托福IBT高分作文范文:土地该怎么利用
With a population accounting nearly for one quarter of the world population, my country, China, has been suffering from serious loss of arable land, which now hardly accounts for 7% of overall arable land of the world. Yet some people simply do not realize that land loss is so crucial that we one day might incapable of averting that catastrophe if we now close our eyes to it.
Industrial development without careful consideration regarding land preservation has caused problems more serious than people can ever imagine. Take the great Three Gorges dam for example, which will be put into operation next year. While the country benefits from gargantuan potential of electricity generation, we have to face up to various environmental conservation issues concerning geological and ecological environment along both river sides and whole upper reaches. The professional designers of the great dam now have to work out a practical way to prevent and remedy pollution effectively, which has already been the focus of world attention.
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我们曾经相信成功总是来自勤奋。然而,如今,一些人指出另一个看法,“运气是成功不可或缺的因素之一就是成功。”在我看来,运气也起着非常重要的作用,在个人的成就,当然,根据所付出的一切。
在许多情况下,努力工作是必不可少的一个人的成就。几乎所有的人,除了那些抚养的贵族家庭或其父母是百万富翁,需要注重学习。企业家,例如,不能建立任何生意不努力工作,保持学习。政客们,也有优势,必须研究竞争反对他的竞争者。拿我们的学生为例,如果我们不努力学习,我们无法了解世界,然后我们会在考试中失败,最后,不带着足够的知识,我们也可以在这里的社会。
然而,运气的确扮演一个重要的角色在一个人的成就。有时我们所做的不够好,几乎各种知识,在这个世界上我们的想法,了解足够的关于世界和我国社会帮助我们如何生存,商业,我们只需要一个机会。在很大程度上,运气作为类似于一个人成功的催化剂。例如,尼古拉斯,我的邻居,正是这样的人。大学毕业后,他热爱自己的企业。然而,正如我们都承认他是缺钱和经验,我们大多数人都不相信他的成就未来描述。和,没有人愿意借钱给他。然后,尼古拉斯是深受运气。我的邻居,来到一大笔钱,他的阿姨去世,最后建立了自己的公司。对所有的期待,他的公司是很成功的。
还有,好运有时能拯救人。有这么多的人在这个世界上生活在恶劣的环境下,无法获得初等教育。然而,也有一些个人与罕见的天才。他们只需要一个机会,来拯救他们的环境,不适合他们。拿我的同学凯茜为例。她是在一个贫穷的西部地区,它是如此落后,每个家庭成员可以自己洗澡每月一次。如果她没有得到了来自一个慈善家,她的捐赠将重复那种持续生活时,她的父母。她进入大学,我们最后发现她是一个很有前途的人以巨大的潜力。她擅长几乎所有的课程,而受到了所有的人。那是多么幸运改变一个人。
总之,运气是从事个体的成就。它非常肤浅说运气与成功。
第一段:
1. We used to believe that success (is always come) from hard working.
改成:comes,come是实义动词,除非是现在时否则前面不可用be动词
2. some people have (pointed out another opinion) about success
改成:point out a different view,后面有in my opinion,这里最好不要再用another opinion,语法上无错,只是建议
3. luck (also) plays an important role in an individual's achievement
改成:also改成indeed,also“也”,indeed是“确实”的意思,如果前面说luck起了某个作用,这句用also是对的,但前面说有一种观点说luck很重要,这里作者是有些同意“确实”更恰当
4. based on (hard-work)
改成:his hardwork,his指代前面主句中的“an individual”,否则“靠努力工作”谁的不明确
第二段:
1. who (are bring) up in an noble family
改成:were brought,第一用被动语态,第二用过去时,表示“被抚养”
2. pay great attention (in studying)
改成:to study,pay attention to sth., 介词是to不是in,另外study本身可作名词表示“学校”
3. (build) any business)
改成:没有这样表示,建立生意-build up,发展生意-develop
4. Politicians, as well, must (study) to
改成:learn,study表示学习具体一门学科,学习知识用learn较多,尤其在后面跟动词不定式时,learn to do 的表示方式较好
5. compete against (his) (contenders)
改成:their rivals,因为指代的是politicians(政治家、政客)是复数,所以用their,另外contender一般指(运动比赛中)对手,非比赛的对手一般用competitor或rival,前面已经用了compete,所以这里用rival较好
6. (Take) (we) students for example
改成:us,take sb. for example的结构中,sb.是宾语,应该用宾格,“我们”的宾格是us;另外take应改成taking,因为这不是一个独立句子,是作后面句子的某个成分,所以用动词不定式或分词短语,这里用现在分词形式
7. , (and finally, not armed with enough knowledge, we may also fail in this society. )
改成:前面的逗号改成句号,否则本句过长,主谓不明。后面重起一个句子更清晰,Finally, we will not armed with enough knowledges nor make achievement in this society.
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